Why I’d Rather Watch a Man Drill a Hole in the Air Than Watch the Oscars
At best, Hollywood’s biggest night felt like a night of missed opportunities; at worst, a tedious charity event
Last week when I posted that I was going to report on the red carpet fashions of the Oscars, I received several DMs from followers informing, complaining, asking if Hollywood’s most important night even matters.
“Does anyone watch it anymore? Seriously who cares about the Oscars?” someone DMd me the day after the Oscars were broadcast.
“It wasn’t fun,” I responded. “I’d rather watch a man drill a hole in the air.”
I’m really over this conversation and yet here I am every year writing and discussing it on various platforms. And when I write I’m over it, I mean I’m tired of agreeing with this very obvious hypothesises that the public at large has concluded.
It is simply this - the Oscars which took place this Sunday at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles as a televised event, was incredibly uneventful.
I cannot begin to explain how bored I was watching it. The only moments I enjoyed were unplanned or nostalgic. You can read them here.
Films are important. Incredibly important. All mediums of storytelling are vital to culture. This is not about that.
Was Demi Moore robbed of an Oscar? Yes.
Should Dune and Wicked have been sweeping all the categories? Of course.
Is the unabashed critical acclaim of Emilia Perez and Anora absolutely perplexing? If you were to ask me, a million times yes.
But my gripe isn’t about which films and performances are deserving and which are not. This type of discussion and debate should be welcomed and as someone who is a big proponent of the mainstream, I understand that the Oscars are traditionally very restrained from celebrating what the majority of people love.
My issue is this - the Oscars are not only awards, but an award ceremony. It is in actual fact a television show about celebrating films and those who create them.
So, one would assume that, at the very least, a show about films, should be entertaining. As it stands today this is a far cry from reality.
I meant it, I’d rather watch a man drill a hole in the air.
I’ve given a lot of thought to this – perhaps more so than the topic deserves – as to why people and myself don’t care anymore. Because I used to care a lot.
Something happened over the last 10 years where watching actors dressing up in designer gowns and suits and being celebrated for some of the best (depending on your definition of the best) films of the year couldn’t be more tedious and painfully cringe.
I’ve always blamed Ellen DeGeneres when she hosted the Oscars in 2014. That year she took one of the most famous selfies of all time. You know the one, with Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, and Julia Roberts all cuddling up to each other while we watched from home and thought, wow, they’re just like us, taking selfies – how down to earth, how quaint, how relatable.
It was the beginning of the end.
A gimmick of gargantuan proportions where the Oscars thought the only way to stay relevant was by employing methods and techniques of relevancy through lame viral stunts.
Simultaneously it also emphasised the worst of contemporary celebrity culture. This shift of actors, not doing their job, even if they are being celebrated, which is to entertain the audience. Instead, they are showing the audience that despite their efforts to be relatable – hey look at us taking a silly selfie - they are also very much part of an elite club.
Since then, the chasm of stars teetering between their privilege and relatability, between the pomp and fancy of an event of this calibre and their personal narratives – most of which I’m sure are very genuine – of struggle and sacrifice cumulating to the moment when they are up on stage holding a tiny golden man while they advise the world on their social, political, and humanitarian points of view, has been exhausting.
Hell is paved with good intentions and the speeches of award winners.
The public is too astute, too emotionally intelligent and too fatigued to feel an ounce of inspiration or aspiration. We appreciate your struggle and your points of view but in most cases, and I mean this in the politest of ways, please accept your award and keep it moving.
Yes, I’m talking to you Adrien Brody. What a painful speech to watch.
“Please, turn the music off. I've done this before,” he said ordering the orchestra to stop playing music so he could continue his speech for winning the Best Actor award.
“It's not my first rodeo, but I will be brief.”
The man was so not brief, not even in the slightest – he broke the record for the longest Oscars speech in history. What did he say? I have no idea.
Please, this is not a dig or attack on Brody specifically or Zoe Saldana whose speech was moving in some parts but also felt excessive. They are, like many actors across the history of the Oscars, talented performers who are experiencing an important moment in their careers.
Who are any of us to judge how they should react and express that gratitude and sense of achievement.
But here’s the thing, no matter how talented, no matter how deserving a star is, the optics of these moments, of this ceremony, feels out of touch.
In 2022, Seth Rogan made headlines for his comments in an interview with Insider. He said:
“I don't get why movie people care so much if other people care what awards we give ourselves. To me, maybe people just don't care. I don't care who wins the automobile awards. No other industry expects everyone to care about what awards they shower upon themselves. Maybe people just don't care. Maybe they did for a while and they stopped caring. And why should they?”
What a wonderfully honest and true thing to say.
Rogan also unintentionally answered his own rhetorical question when he said:
“I don't get why movie people care so much if other people care what awards we give ourselves.”
This hits the Oscar nail on the head.
Every year there is a rancid, palpable sense of desperation reeking out of the academy, out of some stars, to beg us to fall in love with the grandiosity, the pageantry, not in the films that a minority is interested in seeing, but in the performances of award nominees and winners from the moment they step on to the red carpet and whatever happens after that.
This perhaps could all be forgiven if it wasn’t for the Oscars being so out of touch with popular culture. If it wasn’t for the small inclusion of Wicked in this year’s ceremony, one of the biggest blockbusters of the year, the Oscars would have been abysmal.
Out of 10 nominations, Wicked only one two awards. It makes one wonder what the academy thinks, feels and understands about what people are interested in today.
Another example - Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande’s Wicked medley honouring the Wizard of Oz and The Wiz, was delightful and relevant.
But then why was there a James Bond tribute?
Margaret Qualley lead us into it with a dance performance followed by Doja Cat, Lisa and Raye singing iconic songs from the franchise’s 60 year history.
Confusing.
Bond isn’t really known as a film favourite at the Oscars. There is no new Bond film coming out, there is no milestone anniversary to celebrate.
This tribute had something to do with the news that Amazon MGM is gaining creative control of the Bond franchise. Again, confusing, unnecessary, and frankly insulting to the Bond franchise.
It points again to the misalignment of the core brand pillars of who and what the Oscars are.
Is this an event for audiences to feel connected to and inspired by the world of film making and storytelling on the screen? Or is it a self-indulgent out of touch Hollywood gathering where exhibitionism takes precedence over everything else?
Winning an Oscar does mean something. So I implore Hollywood, if they care to keep audiences engaged in the Oscars and filmmaking, in a landscape where they are competing with handheld devises that deliver storytelling dopamine much more efficiently, to rethink how they connect with us.
Because while it makes no logical sense, in preparation for next year’s Oscars I do plan to indeed find and book a man whose core talent is drilling holes in the air.
Thank God for Kieran Culkin’s relatively down-to-earth speech, and his acknowledging his wife and growing family. He and Adam Sandler (who showed up in a brightly colored hoodie and shorts) might have been the only two actually relatable people there.
I absolutely loved this article! I haven’t watched the oscars but this was so much fun to read and listen🤣🫶🏻